My Recommended Appleholics Anonymous Program

I’ll be your sponsor Mike… hell, I’m up late enough for a crisis of gadgetry even for left coasters…

Twelve Steps of Appleholics Anonymous:

  1. Admit you are powerless over Apple—that your gadgets are unmanageably proprietary albeit sleek and sexy.
  2. Believe that a ubiquity greater than Mac could restore you to sanity.
  3. Decide to turn your purchasing and your devices over to the cause of ubiquity as you understand it.
  4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of your computer desks.
  5. Admit to yourself, and to everyone else you looked down your nose at, the exact nature of your wrongs.
  6. Be ready to have mixed platforms replace all your proprietary iDevices.
  7. Humbly ask John Hodgman to remove your shortcomings.
  8. Make a list of all persons you have snickered at for using their populist PCs, Microsoft products, Linux distros and Symbian phones, and be willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would result in them throwing said Symbian phones at your head.
  10. Continue to take desktop inventory and when you find an “i” or “Mac” prefix promptly discard it.
  11. Seek, through budgeting and Google Maps, to improve your conscious contact with discount electronics vendors instead of the Apple Store, seeking only for knowledge of a bar that doesn’t self-aggrandizingly proclaim “Genius” .
  12. Having had a consumer awakening as a result of these steps, carry this message to Appleholics, and practice these principles in all your gadget and device acquisitions.

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