Top Ten Pieces of General Admission Summer Concert Etiquette

  1. I know you love your 3 year old. I know I don’t. There are beer, drugs, and scary-looking people at rock concerts. For the price you paid for a ticket, hire a sitter.
  2. I get that there may be a song that you don’t like and so you use that opportunity to go buy a drink or hit the bathroom, but if you’re putting double digits on the odometer before the first hour is up, maybe you should just stand in the concession area.
  3. Your friend does not need to know RIGHT NOW which song the band is playing, nor do I need you to scream into your cellphone for 5 minutes while standing 3 feet behind me on the lawn.
  4. This is a concert, not a ball game. I can get my own drink. I don’t need beer-laden shills waddling through my view to sell suds at my seat. I’d like to watch the show!
  5. As much as I might not like, but respect your right to walk up out of nowhere and stand right in front of me on the General Admission lawn, must you light up your shitty-smelling clove cigarette when doing so?
  6. Remember the inspirational maxim “Dance like nobody’s watching”? Well I AM watching, because you’re 5 feet in front of me and flailing around like a spastic marionette on an amphetamine bender. How about giving it a rest during, oh, I don’t know, setbreaks!
  7. You know how there are times when the band WANTS you to sing along with them… oh, that’s right, you do! And you think it’s EVERY WORD of EVERY SONG! If I pay you the ticket price, will you shut up for the rest of the night?
  8. Your blanket is NOT eminent domain!
  9. While I know you want to get rid of you $9 beer cans so that you don’t have to step on them while getting your “groove thang” on, letting them roll into my space so that my equilibrium on a hill is threatened. Especially if you move downhill from me… I’m a big guy.
  10. I’m guessing you talked to your concert-mate on the phone earlier, on the drive over, and pre-show. While the music is playing, here’s a general rule: How about a little less talking and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP!

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